Need to be honest right now.

Well, first off, tonight I went to a celebration by the Ritter campaign. It was fun. They were at the Grizzly Rose and I remember some of the people from Salazar's campaign two years ago. I was gratified to have the chance to tell the Governor-elect "Good Luck". Just one more month until he takes office. I hope to participate in the inaguration. Though I sometimes feel I don't deserve to be there because I spent most of my time working for Perlmutter and didn't help Ritter that much, but I am glad to have gotten the email about that party so I could go.

Well, now, on to the cruxt of my post tonight. I will admit that I have been struggling with depression. I don't entirely understand what I am going through. Because I can be upbeat sometimes. I can tell jokes, I can be conversational and charming and then other times, I can be depressed and very distant. The depression has probably existed for a long time, but has gone on for the last 4 years. Though I will say, these last 2 years have been better than the 2 before them. But the fact is, I feel like I am at a crossroads. Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore. Am I the social, charming and humerous guy, or the morose, depressed and and remote guy. One person suggested that I am by choice evolving towards being the former after having been the latter. I feel that may be true. But the struggle I am in is very intense. I am dealing with socialization issues, as well as personal self-worth issues. Under those circumstances, I have decided to get help. I am worried about money, but am hoping to be okay. Even though I don't have health insurance. My first session is on Thursday.

I will say this. I know that while I am struggling, I may have hurt some of my friends. To them, I want to say (again if necessary) I am sorry. Very sorry for the way that I have treated you. I don't want to lose any of you. I don't want you to cut me out of your lives. Being part of them means the world to me. Having you ask me to do things with you does as well. I have realized that I have hurt many of you and I am working to get help before I hurt you more as well as destroy myself. I will work to be as positive and upbeat as I can be and have been. It may take time for me to reach what I want to reach in life, but I will reach it. Right now, I have to own up to my problem. Thank you all for your understanding.